The Fear of Forgetting

“I remember trying to do all that I could in my power to get a guy back. Or maybe I should say get his affection back. I was spending an immeasurable amount of both mental and emotional energy on this one task. Fragile from rejection, drained from the facade, anxious awaiting interaction…it was all too much. Impatient with the process, I decided to sleep with him.  I thought I had it all figured out. Truth is, it was just impulsivity and an emotionally dictated attitude that led me to make that decision. So when I found out that things weren’t the way I thought they were or really what I wanted them to be I was hurt and confused, but more than anything I was disappointed that I compromised myself. It was I, not anyone else who convinced myself that the love of another was more gratifying than the love I had for myself. When I stopped blaming him and started making it about me, my feelings for him changed and I began to see things clearer almost instantly. When I let go of trying to have control over it, it stopped having control over me. It wasn’t worthy of a celebration. No money spent on a new outfit or a night out with my girls. It was more like the satisfaction you get from crossing something off a list, or beating a difficult level in one of those games we get so caught up in. The emotional freedom was an accomplishment that I had to work hard for, I must add. But there was more to be done, life was continuing. I wasn’t a new woman. I was just an updated version of myself. Our ending didn’t define me any more than our beginning had.  This was just another obstacle that the universe had put in my path.”

Sarahn Says – Usually we make decisions because for whatever reason, at that moment we think that’s the best decision to make. But sometimes we make decisions even though we know they’re not the best because the desire to do whatever it is, is at that moment stronger than the fear of the consequences. You know, you didn’t sleep with him because you thought it was the best decision. You did it because you weren’t afraid of what might happen afterwards. But, fear definitely played a part somewhere. Maybe it was the fear to acknowledge the desperation. Fear of the lies, fear of the truth? Or the fear of being powerless, in your unknown awaiting solitude.

It’s the fear that blinds us. It blinds us from remembering the mistakes we’ve made in the past. It blinds us from seeing all that we have and all that we’ve worked for. Fear rejects the answers we’ve already received to the questions we’ve already asked. Fear is doubting the faith already instilled. So be not afraid of the future ,the unseen and the unknown. Be afraid instead of forgetting what God has already given you, what the universe has already shown you, and where your journey has already brought you. #sarahnsays

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