Sarahn Says – Come on this 40-day journey with me! I must first apologize for my absence over the last month. Returning to school has been such a rollercoaster that I am now off of (after six weeks). Focusing on my studies has occupied so much of my life, and Sarahn Says has been falling down on my priority list. To be honest, Sarahn has been falling down on my priority list. I feel that lately I’ve been losing myself to the energies and occurrences happening around me. I have decided however to get back to myself, and all of the things that make up ME! If I want the universe to be true to me, I must first be true to it. I have decided to embark on a 40-day search for self. One day recently I looked at my calendar and freaked out when I realized I was turning 20 in less than two months. 19 isn’t the prettiest but 20…20 is more than the next year up. It’s the beginning of the next decade of my life, which is beyond creepy. I’m calling this search “The 40 to my 20.” Not only am I attempting to cut all bad foods out of my diet, but I am exercising, meditating and deliberately praying everyday, and I am taking every opportunity I have to think in solitude. In other words, avoiding as many social situations as possible and spending my days alone. I must admit I’m excited! I was inspired to make this 40-day decision when I realized I was beginning to forget who I am. So I’m doing what any sane person would do. I’m going to look for myself. I know I’m in arms reach. The direction, I’m not too sure about. But the reality is I’m afraid to let anymore time pass before I begin the search. I’ve decided to share my journey with you.
Today is day 1! It’s been a crazy day, but I’m here! I made it. Today I realized that you must not be selfish with who you are. If you move in a way that reflects honesty and genuineness you inspire those around you to think and act in the same way, free from judgment and unacceptance. The vulnerability people see in you, motivates them to be vulnerable as well. So don’t be afraid to be who you are at all times, or even to feel like you don’t want to share your true self with others. Yes you do. Imagine a life where you didn’t have to question or worry about how others felt about you. Not only because they would accept you for all that are, but if not just because you loved yourself so much it didn’t even matter. And you loved the world so much, you could contribute nothing to it but honesty and happiness and you could only take out of it what was truly yours. #sarahnsays
“I remember trying to do all that I could in my power to get a guy back. Or maybe I should say get his affection back. I was spending an immeasurable amount of both mental and emotional energy on this one task. Fragile from rejection, drained from the facade, anxious awaiting interaction…it was all too much. Impatient with the process, I decided to sleep with him. I thought I had it all figured out. Truth is, it was just impulsivity and an emotionally dictated attitude that led me to make that decision. So when I found out that things weren’t the way I thought they were or really what I wanted them to be I was hurt and confused, but more than anything I was disappointed that I compromised myself. It was I, not anyone else who convinced myself that the love of another was more gratifying than the love I had for myself. When I stopped blaming him and started making it about me, my feelings for him changed and I began to see things clearer almost instantly. When I let go of trying to have control over it, it stopped having control over me. It wasn’t worthy of a celebration. No money spent on a new outfit or a night out with my girls. It was more like the satisfaction you get from crossing something off a list, or beating a difficult level in one of those games we get so caught up in. The emotional freedom was an accomplishment that I had to work hard for, I must add. But there was more to be done, life was continuing. I wasn’t a new woman. I was just an updated version of myself. Our ending didn’t define me any more than our beginning had. This was just another obstacle that the universe had put in my path.”
Sarahn Says – Usually we make decisions because for whatever reason, at that moment we think that’s the best decision to make. But sometimes we make decisions even though we know they’re not the best because the desire to do whatever it is, is at that moment stronger than the fear of the consequences. You know, you didn’t sleep with him because you thought it was the best decision. You did it because you weren’t afraid of what might happen afterwards. But, fear definitely played a part somewhere. Maybe it was the fear to acknowledge the desperation. Fear of the lies, fear of the truth? Or the fear of being powerless, in your unknown awaiting solitude.
It’s the fear that blinds us. It blinds us from remembering the mistakes we’ve made in the past. It blinds us from seeing all that we have and all that we’ve worked for. Fear rejects the answers we’ve already received to the questions we’ve already asked. Fear is doubting the faith already instilled. So be not afraid of the future ,the unseen and the unknown. Be afraid instead of forgetting what God has already given you, what the universe has already shown you, and where your journey has already brought you. #sarahnsays
Sarahn Says – Another way to fall in love with yourself is to be unconditionally kind to everyone around you. You ever notice that after saying something hurtful, getting revenge, or putting someone in their place, you don’t feel better afterwards? You actually feel worse. That’s because it doesn’t feel good to be cruel, angry or mean. It goes against our nature and often throws us off balance. You might walk away from a situation thinking about how the other person feels, but you’re more likely to be thinking about how the situation made you feel…inconsiderate, at fault, and maybe even regretful. On the other hand, it feels so amazing to be kind. Not only do we feel so much better about everything around us, but we feel better about ourselves. We like what we see when we look in the mirror and we know others like what they see as well. The best part about it is that we inspire those around us to be kind. It can be hard to be unconditionally kind to everyone, especially when we’re bogged down by our own problems. It’s even harder when there is negative energy coming from people around us. But you can’t let people get in the way of you loving yourself. That’s just as ridiculous and their negativity! Put a little extra effort in to being kind, even in the face of cruelty. Your ego might take some hits at first, but in the long run you’ll feel amazing. Start today and slowly make it a part of your lifestyle. #sarahnsays
Sarahn Says – It’s important to learn when to say “when.” Unfortunately this is a lesson most people learn the hard way. Good judgment is difficult. Some of us learn it well growing up or maybe just understand it naturally. Most of us just learn from experience. There are many different circumstances that this applies to. For some, it’s about choosing to study vs. going to a party. For others it’s about eating fast food or a healthier option. Fighting for a friendship or letting it go, and apologizing for your mistakes when you know you were wrong. For me it was learning when to speak up and when to stay quiet. I really struggled with this and still do. I always felt like it was my responsibility to be the person who should have something to say…NO. The only responsibility we have is to make the decision that is in our best interest without compromising those around us. No one else (shy of your parents) is going to look out for you more than you will. Your friends don’t have a test tomorrow so that’s not the first thing on their mind, and everybody else will stay quiet when you’re talking back. Think about the possible outcomes of your outburst, impulsiveness and/or careless behavior. Don’t let your pride get in the way of making the right decision and don’t let the pressure of people or outside forces be the reason why you’re compromising yourself. It’s usually not worth it. Hardly ever. But sometimes it takes losing a good friend, gaining a few extra pounds and/or a hit to your GPA for you to get the message. That’s ok. Read my entry The Security in Forgiving Yourself. Try thinking more before you act and visualizing yourself doing something before you do it. Good and bad. This will be beneficial for you, mainly because it decreases the amount of mistakes you make and the regret you’ll feel from making them. It’s even better when it’s not about holding back from making a poor decision but instead choosing to make a good one. Slow it down and visualize the consequences and in the process you will learn when to say “when”. #sarahnsays
Sarahn Says – In the last entry I talked about absorbing the energies of those around you and training your senses to be somewhat desensitized to all the molecules of the universe bouncing off of you. You don’t want to take everything from everybody. Some things we just want to leave where they are! In saying this, there is an important element to energy that you MUST recognize. You must accept that similar energies are attracted to each other. In the same way that we naturally bond with people who have the same temperament as we do, we also absorb energies that our similar to our own energy. If you are receiving positive or negative energy, most likely there is something in you that that energy is attracted to. Those of us who are more sensitive must pay closer attention to this and be more cautious when it comes to absorbing the energies of others. Being sensitive not only means that you are more fragile to the words and actions of others but also to the energies around you. You might find that you’re feeling down because the people around you are feeling the same way, and you might even get angry and hostile if someone in your company is being negative and/or aggressive. You also might assume that people are personally taking shots at you, or that nothing is going in your favor. Go back to my suggestions in Pt. 1 and find out what works for you with regulating your senses. In the meantime, remind yourself that we are all human and must be tolerant of others as we want others to be tolerant of us. #sarahnsays
Sarahn Says – Have you ever not known why you’re feeling down? You can’t really pinpoint anything that happened in your day or recognize any stressor that would have you feeling this way. You just know that for some reason you feel off balance, a little sad or anxious. Almost as if the energy of the universe is not in your favor…maybe even against you. We live in a world where everyone has an energy. Some are greater than others, but undoubtedly the feelings and energies of those around us seem to have an influence on us. We must train our senses to be in some ways desensitized to the energies of others. Empathy and compassion are some of the God’s greatest gifts, and we must not lose these things during this process. We must remain faithful to the higher being by continuing to spread love and understanding. These things are what make the world go round. However, we must learn to control what we receive from others, and what we allow them to give us. Maintaining control of your personal energy is one of the important keys to happiness. This can be achieved with prayer, talking to people, meditation, exercise, rest…maybe even crying, walking, screaming, writing, eating or engaging in intimacy with a loved one. Whatever works for you. Experiment. You own your time, space and attention and you have control of what you give it to. Take the time to find out what works for you and discover the many ways in which you can receive the positive energies and reject the negative ones. #sarahnsays