I woke up today, thinking that today was the last day of winter! I mean we’re having a “snowstorm” in Philadelphia right now. But I learned sometime in the mid-afternoon that today, March 20th, is actually the first day of Spring. Which means that my Sacred Woman Winter has officially come to an end. I’ve made it through the dark windy nights of solitude, salubrity, and structure.  Reflecting on these past three months, I’ve realized, I lost complete intention on dedicating my winter to those 3 S’s. I did learn a lot however about myself, those around me, and where I am going in my life. The ultimate lesson, of course, is that no self-work is ever completely done and that seasons become raindrops in the waterfalls of our lives. 

I’m learning more and more everyday, my power as a woman, a friend, a teacher, a student. I’m becoming better at those roles as life forces me to experience myself in new unknown ways. This Sacred Woman Winter has been very much like a journal for me to express my thoughts and feelings about my growing process. But reflecting on THIS growing process, I am reminded that I am always returning to evolution. I am never stagnant, or stale. Never broken or burned. I am sometimes, a wilted flower, who needs just a little of mother nature’s elements to stand me back up right. I am, all the time, an imperfect human who is constantly reflecting and analyzing my life, to blossom brighter, and withstand stronger winds.

Nothing in my life has really stayed the same over the past 3 months. My mind is stronger, my heart beats louder, my back is straighter, and my hair withstands gravity now more than ever. And my spirit is more still than it’s ever been before, leaving hibernation for the spring.

This past week has been full of love and excitement. I have felt so uplifted and supported in everything I’m doing, and it feels great to spread positivity and light to those around me. My Calendar Challenge has brought so much spontaneous energy into my days and it’s really inspiring to see people be engaged and encouraged by something I have created. I have had a really good feeling about this year, 2018, and already I can tell that magical and mystical things are taking place in my life. I know that things are changing just by observing my approach to my spirit and other spirits around me. I am beginning to see things differently, and my feelings and thoughts about particular circumstances have evolved. I no longer feel the need to compromise myself for what “looks” better and I have no interest in forcing things that nature is not helping to grow. Nature is helping me to grow, and I am completely present in that process.

As you move through different stages in your life, you begin to understand more about time, and divine energy and losing and winning. Oprah once said that “There are no mistakes, because you have a supreme destiny. There is a calling in your life, a supreme destiny, and your job is to feel that, to hear that, to know that. Everything is leading to the same path. There are no wrong paths. Failure is just that thing trying to move you in another direction. So you get as much from your losses as you do from your victories.” I am understanding more and more everyday, the role I have in my success. It is just as much in my hands as it is in the hands of the world. My job as a human living is to go with the wind, drink the water, keep my feet on the earth, and fan the flames of the fire. I am whole. 

This past week I had my 2nd event, Sacred Woman Yoga in Philadelphia. I engaged with women who were seeking yoga as a way to strengthen their minds, bodies, and spirits. We learned from the wisdom of Dr. Robbin Alston who is the Queen Mother of Ase Yoga Studio and Tea Room. She shared the history and value of yoga with attendees and led a yoga class to prepare our minds and bodies for further instruction from myself. It was a great experience, just learning and sharing with positive women who are committing to a life of peace and prosperity. As we breathed and focused our attention together, we created a system of vulnerability and support that will continue to strengthen us beyond the space.

I did a radio program the next day where the host asked me about what I learned from my event. She thought that since I was in the beginning stages of hosting events that I was experiencing something new in my journey to myself and my purpose. Of course what I have learned from my events thus far about coordination, and marketing, and relating, etc. has allowed me to grow in the pursuit of my mission. But what I have really learned, or been reminded of I should say, is that we are constant reflections of love and light and we have more in common that we know. I have rose back into remembering that I am learning just as much if not more than I am teaching and that every experience  is a a new lesson in growth and gratitude.

“Most of us are angry, most of us are strangely, more alike than we like to believe. Most of us are empty, most of us are simply, more alive in the scenes of our dreams. Then there’s you. You’ve got something I’ve been wanting, ooooh, you’re so new. You’re my salvage, you’re my balance, oooh, you’re so new.

Most of us are hurting, most of us are searching, for someone to love, someone to understand. Most the time I’m fighting, multiple voices residing in my head. Then there’s you. You bring silence to my violent truth, yes you do. Oooooh, you’re my salvage, you’re my balance, oooh, you’re so new.”

I feel so close to God. This week I was able to accomplish so many of my goals and move forward on my journey to greatness. Before I have felt pressured to act in certain ways knowing that wasn’t exactly what my spirit wanted or where my love lived. But more and more it feels so natural to do certain things and just be. I love it! I love the energy I have even when I don’t get sleep. I love the fulfillment I get from being alone. I love the newness of my relationship with myself and the most high. It feels so pure and genuine and full.

When I first heard the lyrics to Jhene Aiko’s ‘New Balance’, I thought of love lost, and love found. I haven’t won every battle in love. Loving myself, loving others, being a constant reflection of love, are things I am continuously learning through trial and error. But as I am finding my ‘New Balance’ of love, the presence of God is everywhere inside of and around me. So when I think about what it means to find balance, a new balance, that silences the violence of the chaos of my life, I feel so at peace and purposed in just being who I am, accepting and encouraging myself every step of the way.

I have come to a new revelation about where I am in my life, exactly at this moment and it has truly set me free. The space in between all my thoughts, is growing deeper and deeper and there I am finding peace in the present moment. I feel so good. I have been staying consistent with my goals and haven’t taken life or breath for granted at any moment! All the cracks in the sidewalk are art in my life, and the beauty of every human soul fills my heart with joy. All of the imperfections of my life are so perfectly seen as beautiful and worthy of love, and I am loving them. I usually have seasonal depression around this time of year (at least I have for the past 6-7 years or so) but this year my life feels like its blooming up towards the sun. My expectations of myself and others are limited to giving and receiving love.

I am thoroughly enjoying meeting new people, and being open to every interaction. I feel like I am flying. I am getting up early and praying and meditating in the morning. I am focusing on all the things that make me happy and giving less and less time to the things that are not bringing me joy. I thank the universe everyday for who it is helping me to become and the room I have to grow with the opportunity of every new day. My next Sacred Woman Yoga event is approaching and I am so excited to share my peace and sanity with my fellow Sister Queens. I think this wave of life is contagious and I want to share it with every living soul.

“Consistency is not perfection. It is simply refusing to give up.”

Life these past couple of weeks has felt like a mad dash to something ultimately more important. I keep reminding myself that everything I’m doing is pushing me further and further in the direction of my dreams, but I don’t always know if that’s the case. Some things feel like busy work, to please somebody else, or make a little cash, or to replace boredom with movement. My challenge to myself over the past week has been to be still long enough to hear God talk to me; to receive the answers to my questions, and it’s happening slowly. Slowly but surely.

I had the opportunity this week to spend time with other women who are facing similar challenges. I really gained, just mentally from listening to their experiences and stories. I look forward to continuing the conversation with them in coming weeks.

I have been finding healing less and less in other people and more in my individual practices that keep me motivated and prepared. I’m learning that everyone won’t always have the answers, and to lean on and depend on yourself as much as possible before running straight to others for guidance. How can we expect anyone to meet us where we are, if we have not met ourselves where we are?

“It’s time to step out on faith, I’ve gotta show my faith. It’s been illusive for so long, but freedom is mine today. I’ve gotta step out on faith, It’s time to show my faith.
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found…Strength, courage, and wisdom, And it’s been inside of me all along. Strength, courage, and wisdom, Inside of me.”

Mmmmm. Everything in due time. Everything in due time.

This post is a few dates late, but everything is due time. That’s for life, period. Sometimes things don’t happen at the exact time we plan for them to, but they always happen on time. I am grateful for another week of life. I feel free in my journey through time and space. I am learning more about myself everyday.

This week I had my very first event for Sarahn Says. I will share more details in a separate journal entry. I wanted to create a space for myself, to just be still and open to life’s moments, and that is what my Sacred Woman Winter is about for me. Solitude, salubrity, and structure. Stillness and openness. I don’t want to have any obligation to myself other than following my word, giving myself what I know I need, and being love and light at all times. I’m understanding a very big part of growing and flourishing is allowance for what is and what is not. Understanding what is and is not in my control. Being true to my process and place on the journey to deeper self-love and self-knowledge.

This week for me was about doing just that. Learning new things about myself and flying to new heights as my view of myself and the world expands. And now that I am on the other side of consciousness, I can allow for wisdom to take front stage in my actions moving forward. I am extremely prepared to take on bigger roles, spend more time focus on my dreams, and spend more moments centered and at peace with myself and others. I am ready in every way to grow in all ways that the universe allows me to in this moment.

My goals for next week are to write down and be fully present with my steps moving forward for this season, this year and beyond. I want to take every opportunity for growth, big and small, and use all moments as a time for self-exploration, self-assurance, and self-reliance.